PhantomTwilightWind

So I decided I would like to chase modeling as a career... It may be foolish and a little out there on my part but I've already done some modeling photoshoots and I'm creating my own website with the help of a friend...

I think I can do this whole modeling thing if I really tried, the first time I truly believe in myself and I get shot down. What the fuck?! Seriously, I do understand it's a bit out there and a hard to reach goal but I think with enough effort I can do this...

If anyone seriously thinks I'm wasting my time, let me know. But also tell me why.

I seriously don't want to work at Subway the rest of my life, and the modeling right now is one of the few things that make me believe in myself... as an artist it helps me express what I'm feeling in front of the camera. As a person it makes me feel like I'm actually beautiful... Sorry I have incredibly low self-esteem and think I'm a worthless door mat meant to be stepped on... As a girlfriend, makes me feel like I can make Brian proud to stand next to me. As a friend, if the whole modeling thing works out, I can help so many people...
Darkness with your agency, I can give you a jump start on being the amazing artist and gorgeous lady that you are.
Brian with his dream of becoming a digital graphics designer, get him a nice computer and equipment.
Kitty, I could help you and Zio with that wedding you guys want, and maybe get you started selling those nommy cookies.
Joe I could help you with your anime and get you some great equipment as well to make your dream come true.
Nick I could get you started in publishing that book....
All I wanna do is help people, but in order for me to do that, I have to chase this dream, and goal of mine....

I dont want to be stepped on anymore.... I want my strength to get me to where I want to go, not where someone says I should... First time in my life I'm standing up for myself and this time, I refuse to get knocked down.

OK, So everything was going fine, I have my job, the modeling, getting news for the house.. fine and dandy...

Then today I go to take my permit test, I don't have one form of identification, a proof of residency, so no permit test or permit for me. Then the house, I might not be getting it because the town of Agawam is stupid and they neighbors wont sign a fuckin paper saying that they're address is changed. So I'll know by the end of this week whether or not I'm getting the house, plus if im not, then im taking back all the money I've put down of beds, almost a grand, and getting it back, and i just feel bad because my friend wants to get an apartment with me and her bf, uhh im gonna have to say no and shes gonna hate me for a while, and i feel exceptionally horrible to Lil'Ms Darkness, I wanted so badly to help get you out of NC, and the town you're in. But depending on the answer at the end of this week, I either have a house or dont, i'm either losing my friend or not, Im either helping Darkness or I'm not.....

I just dont want anyone to hate me.... or be mad or anything... I still wanna keep all of my friendships, especially with Darkness....

**Darkness this is specifically for you**

You mean a whole hella lot to me, you've no idea really how much you've helped me. I really hope I can still help you get outta NC if you still wanna, I really wanna see you too and hang with you. And I hope you'll still continue to be my friend no matter what, I wuv ya chicka.

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Two photoshoots coming up!! yay, more gothic then the last. Can't wait... and I think both photographers want me to show off my tattoos ^-^ yay im wicked excited. I'm really getting into this modeling stuff and its all thanks to a great friend of mine and a model herself who said i could and gave me a website to go to. ^-^ I owe Ms. Epixcore a big midgety hug ^-^ Im so happy you have no idea

No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave,
No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe,
No matter how many nights that you lie awake to the sound of the poison rain,
Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?

As days go by, the nights on fire,
Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?

Crash, Crash, Burn! Let it all burn this hurricane's chasing us all underground.

No matter how many days that I die I will never forget,
No matter how many lives that I live I will never regret,

There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames,
Where is your 'God'? Where is your 'God'? Where is your 'God'?

OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Do you really want? Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead, or alive to torture for my sins?
Do you really want? Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead, or alive to live a lie?

Tell me, would you kill to save a life?
Tell me, would you kill to prove you're right?

Crash, Crash, Burn! Let it all burn! This hurricane's chasing us all underground.

The promises we made were not enough. (Never play the game again)
The prayers that we have prayed were like a drug. (Never gonna hear the end)
The secrets that we sow, we'll never know. (Never sing the song the same)
The love we had, the love we had, we had to let it go!!! (Never givin in again, Never givin in again)


Tell me, would you kill to save a life?
Tell me, would you kill to prove you're right?

Crash, Crash, Burn! Let it all burn! This hurricane's chasing us all underground.
This hurricane.
This hurricane..
This hurricane

Do you really want? Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead, or alive to torture for my sins?
Do you really want? Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead, or alive to live a lie?


THIS SONG!!!!